If you’re keen to make like a J. Lo and indulge in a restorative post-breakup vacay following yet another botched romance with your 25-year old backup dancer – without scrimping on the bare necessities – head to the brand-spanking new The Miami Beach EDITION hotel, perched on the prime real estate of mid-beach, otherwise known as the “Billion Dollar Sandbar,”.
Classy and sophisticated cool are key amid the pristine white marble floors and polished white pearl Venetian plaster walls, highlighted with tones of gold and deep green indoor palm trees, a throwback to the golden age of Hollywood. Management are sure to turn away the donut-licking, America-shaming Arianna Grande and her scurrying PR team, or Lilo on day seven of an alcohol-fueled coke binge.
Think more Amal and George Clooney on a low-key, breezy working weekend away, where guests are free to enjoy a quick spot of pool in the informal yet glamorous foyer, following which you’re free to hobnob with the top Miami clique in the Matador Room bar, which oozes luxury with Spanish-inspired décor, creating an authentic local feel.
Located in Mid-Beach on a 3.5-acre private oasis in the reimagined Seville Hotel, EDITION Miami provides an elegantly crafted enclave of nooks and crannies in which to relax and explore, creating a new subset of luxury resort environments.
In the Matador bar, black walnut-paneled walls are littered with photographs by famed French photographer Lucien Clergue that portray the art of bullfighting, while an expansive black walnut and stone bar is the room’s centerpiece and the perfect place to perch as you sip on a Mexican Bull, Dark Horse or a Barcelona G&T. Or better yet, a deliciously equal parts peppery and sweet custom spicy margarita, which helps to add a little extra heat to any balmy Miami night.
Exotic gold pineapples – which also serve as the vessel of the bar’s signature cocktail – are just some of the quirky paraphernalia decorating the space, which leads to an outdoor oasis from which you can admire the stunning lighting display surround just one of the hotel’s designer pools.
When happy hour is complete but a scattered aggressive thunderstorm, otherwise known as a free Miami light show if watched from the safety of a sheltered outdoor bar, puts the brakes on your evening boardwalk stroll plans, head downstairs to the EDITION basement, for a night of throwback entertainment, capped off with a boogie at the aptly named Basement nightclub, which is kitted out like in the vein of Studio 54, monster dance floor and all.
But before that, it’s time for a spot of ten pin bowling or a twirl on the ice-skating rink. Because, you know, it’s Miami.
The four-lane bowling alley boasts an oversize LED screen displays and interactive lighting display, which synchronizes with the bowlers’ movements. And just like that, Brooklyn Bowl got upstaged by Miami cool.
Like all of the finishing touches at the Melvin Grossman-designed hotel, the alley’s bowling balls are designed by modern artists, including a naked lady, penned by Daniel Heidkamp, or people of the clothed variety, designed by artists Blair Thurman and Jules de Balincourt.
When your bowling feet need a cool down, head next door to the 2,000 square-foot indoor ice skating rink, which allows skaters to struggle to stand up amid the beat of the pulsating state-of-the-art sound system and dramatic light show, a sight sure to stun the tipsy passerby outside on Collins Ave.
Even Basement’s light show is of the highest VIP quality, designed by Patrick Woodroffe – the maestro responsible for choreographing the London Olympics Opening Ceremony lighting affair, not to mention the stage shows of artists including the Rolling Stones, Michael Jackson, Lady Gaga and Beyoncé.
For those lazy afternoons between the beach and happy hour, a giant adult sandbox provides the perfect set for a game of ping pong, bocce, cornhole or a nighttime movie screening, with mango-flavored wheat beer custom-made for Edition by Miami Brewing Company, called TropicAle.
The entire lushly landscaped outdoor space at Edition also goes by the name, Tropicale, inspired by the legendary 1950s Havana nightclub Tropicana. The pool, the perfect location for the next Bond girl to plunge while off duty, features a period diving board from which to flex your since-shelved Olympic dream pikes, while a second, large rectangular concrete pool is surrounded by elegant teak lounges, and a spate of private cabanas in which you can hide from any lurking paparazzi, thus making you a less offensive hotel guest than the anti-reclusive Justin Beiber.
When you need to get some rest, Edition’s guest rooms feature oak-paneled walls with a minimalist design, while the bathroom is decked out with ivory porcelain-slab floor tiles. Many also offer a private terrace with a direct beachfront view, sure to have you faux-puffing on your Jay Z-inspired Cuban cigar.
If you’re set on justifying Miami as a more Zen choice than Las Vegas by treating yourself and your Blackjack savings to a night of decadence, fork out $10,000 for an evening in the two-story bungalow penthouse, which offers a direct ocean view, sun deck and private plunge pool enormous enough to fit the entire entourage you picked up the previous night at Basement, and then some.
While you may not be grieving the infidelity of a 21-year old backup dancer, EDITION Miami is the perfect modern establishment that allows you to create your own celebrity back story and luxury holiday memories to boot. Or better yet, douse yourself in a $24.99 bottle of Jenny From the Block’s Miami Glow fragrance. Because if the pink grapefruit, coconut water, passion fruit, heliotrope, sheer amber, crystal musk, vanilla orchid and blonde woods perfume notes aren’t strong enough to lure you an exotic stud for the next three days, at least the sensory overload will double as insect repellant.
Because who doesn’t want to feel and smell like J.Lo in Miami?
