Hey, Hey it’s Toupee Saturday!

Donald Trump hosting Saturday Night Live is akin to President Barack Obama addressing San Francisco about Kanye West’s pledge to run for national office in 2020. The fusing of both characters with politics and pop culture is a state of affairs so deflating that you’re left almost longing for a time when the upcoming holiday season wasn’t marred by the impending birth of Jesus, also known as the Christmas-Day born Yeezus Kardashian West.

The show announced Tuesday that the GOP presidential candidate will host its Nov.7 episode, which will feature musical guest Sia.

Ironically, the Grammy-nominated artist, known for being incredibly shy at public events, hides her visage with a bevy of wigs, so being paired with a man also recognized by the artificial mass on his head is almost a free laugh before the show’s Trump preparations have even begun. Kudos, SNL.

Also slated to take place on the same day in New York is the Bloody Mary Festival – featuring bottomless drinks of the same name – and the Comics Arts Festival in Brooklyn, so if you’re stumbling around disgustingly drunk and haven’t managed to laugh your face off at the cartoon characters, otherwise referred to as adults wearing painted faces and fancy dress, you can tune in for hour of a celebrity reality TV star billionaire and aspiring president, wearing a toupe and face powder, making jokes about himself, also probably likely to give a shout-out to Kanye.  

As pop culture appears to have reared its ugly head into all facets of American life in lieu of real issues that are, at best, actually ugly, Obama decided to join the 38-year old rapper at a Democratic Hope Fund event in San Francisco, whereby he offered advice to the commander-in-chief hopeful.

Speaking to West’s POTUS plight – referred to by the masses as “Peezy” – Obama rolled off some easy breezy tips for Yeezy, like he was revving up the crowd before a C-list comedy show. “First of all, you’ve got to spend a lot of time dealing with some strange characters who behave like they’re on a reality TV show,” Obama quipped, referring to E!’s sole programming content, the show where the female characters have destroyed all the men, Keeping Up With the Kardashians, beside its other low-hanging fruit derivative – the show where viewers watch sales associates fold pants – Dash Dolls. Fortunately, they don’t need to fork out cash to hire new cast members, as plastic surgery facilitates a new face for each existing star each season.

“Second important tip: Saying that you have a ‘beautiful dark twisted fantasy’? That’s what’s known as off-message in politics,” Obama continued, referring to West’s 2010 album. “You can’t say something like that. A lot of people have lost their congressional seats saying things like that,” he said, obviously reciting the speech penned by his summer intern, and definitely not material approved by someone of Olivia Pope’s elk.

“And number three, do you really think that this country is going to elect a black guy from the south side of Chicago with a funny name to be president of the United States?” he said, as the crowd burst into laughter, thinking, “damn, this politics thing would look great as an interest on my Facebook profile! Is there a hashtag for that?”

If the next eight years are populated by a daily news cycle of Donald Trump and Kanye West tapping in and out of the late night TV circuit, engaged in quirky role-playing skits on Jimmy Fallon, followed by morning recaps of whatever suit and tie they wore on every fashion news site everywhere, I would rather relocate to a mice-infested studio some place in the middle of an industrial wasteland with round-the-clock coverage of Fox Sports.

It’s one thing to watch Trump’s surge among potential Republican primary voters for an extended New York minute, but I’d rather subject myself to a pre-defined three hours and 11 minutes of NFL for one Mad Monday, where the only real impact of the outcome is on my fantasy football game. With the advent of Trump, and possibly Kanye, the largest contest in American history, which kicked off with a field of potentially as high as 20 or more candidates, has become as much of a media sensation as the Miss Universe pageant and all of its commercial fanfare, which makes sense, given Trump offloaded the organization to agency WME/IMG three days after buying back half of the business in September.

Just don’t ask this tiara hopeful about his stance on immigration, because there’s no amount of fake hair that can mask his glaring view on that.