As the graduating class of colleges across the U.S. collectively pack their bags for the summer months spent whittling away the hours at a mindless internship while being encouraged by their parents to, “Find out what life is like without comfort”, in both the literal and metaphorical explore-the-world sense, the incoming class of interns at the second-tier banking powerhouse, Barclays, are having the motto shoved down their pretty little necks.
On the same day as news broke that 22-year old first-year analyst Sarvshreshth Gupta was found dead next to his apartment building on Apr.16 after working three days straight, a would-be Gordon Gecko analyst at Barclays deemed it fit to send a hazing email to the bank’s summer intern class.
Not sure what to expect this summer, kids? Don’t worry. Justin Kwan is here to direct you.
Yes, the same day the New York Times published a piece about the health and lifestyle perils of working on Wall Street, Kwan, a second-year investment banking analyst in Barclays’ Global Power & Utilities group, attempted to instill the fear of God into the boots of the class of 2015 while completing their pre-game training, probably received and read at the same time their mother fielded her sixth phone call from the village gossip circuit along the lines of, “Hey, I read the Times, I heard Tate Jnr. is working in the city on Wall Street, just checking he’s OK?”
Being told, “Welcome to Power!” and then being asked to memorize the ‘Power Commandments’ (which, by the way, the interns are expected to, ‘live and die by’, irresponsibly and to the detriment of all else, for the next nine weeks) after reading about yet another member of my profession jumping off a building after multiple days without sleep, is as enticing a recruitment method as becoming a professional surrogate on the sole hope of one day carrying Beyonce’s baby.
Being reminded by recent tragic events involving members of a profession where long hours, exhaustion and depression are rife just days before starting an internship – and hopefully a lifelong career – is sure to incite a bit of soul searching among even the stoic Ivy Leaguer over your decision to embark on a potential death wish. And then you receive a barking email from Justin.
In an era where people with the lowest IQ are expected to manage their social media identity on concerns your current or future employer might not react kindly to that time you took body shots off the rack of a shemale at a Full Moon rave in Vietnam, Kwan’s email chain – which has since gone viral among the junior banking circuit – appears as sensible a topic to send via work email as posting public pictures of your naked infant on Instagram.
How either isn’t going to inevitably end up in the hands of a kiddie fiddler, reporter at Gawker, or the head of your investment bank is as sure a thing as Kim Kardashian naming her next child South.
Titled, ‘Welcome to the Jungle,’ which is clearly not in reference to the Guns N’ Roses track as someone who could pen such a vile email is unlikely to have such broad music taste, Kwan offers the newbies career tips such as, “We expect you to be the last ones to leave every night…no matter what.” Which isn’t the greatest, most responsible advice, given the contributing cause of death of several junior financial professionals has been exhaustion due to working several days without sleep.
Another pearl of wisdom, sure to boost sales at flailing holistic hotspot Lulu Lemon, is, “I recommend bringing a pillow to the office (yoga mat works as well). It makes sleeping under your desk alot (SP.) more comfortable, in the very likely scenario that you have to do that.”
Why thanks, Kwan, I am super excited to be spending the next 60 days with such a strong, caring spiritual guru, who has been in the big, wide workforce for a whole 12 months more than me, the analysts thought, while pouring over his kind, wise words. ‘I hope he’s single,’ thought no female intern, ever.
If I was about to start an internship where I was encouraged to ‘bring breakfast’ in for my assigned talent mentor, they’d be receiving a lump of coal with their cornflakes, laced with the acidic sweat clocked up from a week sleeping on my hot-pink yoga mat.
Sure, spending a summer on Wall Street was never going involve fetching Louboutins from the accessories closet at Vogue – oh no wait, Conde Nast has since shut that hot mess down due to douchebags of a different kind – but the fact that analysts head into the sprint well aware that they will spend nine, long weeks glued to Microsoft Excel and in the line for a tray of personalized, extra hot Starbucks, needn’t be heralded with such unnecessary fanfare.
Sigma Alpha Epsilon is a fraternity with chapters across the U.S., which also has deep links to Wall Street. Like Wall Street, it’s also notable for killing more of its pledges through hazing than any other frat, with numerous people having died drug or alcohol-related deaths as a direct result of SAE hazing or parties in recent years.
Pledges have cited tales of paddling, imprisonment, forced drinking, and being submerged in ice—with one comparing the SAE pledge process to “Guantanamo Bay.” So why on earth would anyone want to join? Because the frat’s popularity rests, in part, due to its deep roster of alumni in the finance world. Which equates to SAE membership being perceived as a fair ticket to a job on Wall Street.
By that rhetoric, the hazing update at Barclays appears even more strange, as these interns have already been vetted, and hired, to complete an internship on Wall Street, which, if they pull off without any major clusterfucks, should result in a full-time job.
Just hopefully not one that puts them in the same cubicle as the world’s biggest douchebag, whose top, number one Power Commandment is the prohibition of socks, because he’s conservative and it’s summer.
On a more serious note, Gupta’s death mark the latest in the string of unexpected deaths or suicides of financial professionals over the past two years, most recently concerning Thomas J. Hughes, a 29-year old banker at Moelis & Company, who fell from a building in downtown Manhattan. The death of a 21-year-old intern at Bank of America Merrill Lynch in London in 2013 ignited fresh concerns about young, overworked investment bankers and sparked changes that rippled through the industry around the globe, ironically led by Goldman Sachs.
Gupta, who was a member of Goldman Sachs’ telecommunications, media and technology group in San Francisco, resigned in March but was convinced to rejoin on the condition of reduced working hours. After rejoining, sources said his associate quit to join a start-up, following which Gupta begged him to take him with him. Shortly thereafter, the two analysts above him promptly quit. As a result, his workload is said to have rapidly increased, which caused Gupta to unavoidably return to working extreme hours, deleting any semblance of work-life balance.
The rise in both depression and suicides among young bankers prompted Goldman Sachs – as the unofficial crusader for improving work-life balance among its junior ranks – to make the quiet but audacious decision to implement the ‘Saturday Rule’ in October 2013, which restricts analysts and associates from working between the hours of 9PM on Friday until 9AM on Sunday. Other firms followed suit, implementing variations of the rule in an attempt to recruit and retain top talent from all disciplines into finance amid increasing competition from Silicon Valley’s shiny tech industry, while at the same time improving overall company culture. Interestingly, 20 months on from the implementation of the Saturday rule, employee burnout remains prevalent.
Barclays introduced its own derivative of Goldman’s rule last February, forbidding analysts from working more than 12 days straight. But not under Kwan’s watch! (From whatever Starbucks he has since relocated to while applying for new jobs). Worth noting is that Barclays, which is perceived as second-tier among the well-heeled folks on Wall Street, is thought to be a stepping stone for interns to gun for a full-time job higher up the totem pole. So, while our fun-loving, hard-knuckled camp counselor may think he is the song of the summer, to his interns, he’s just the douche they have to see each day because they couldn’t land a gig at Goldmans.
“Welcome to the big leagues, boys and girls. Play time is over and it’s time to buckle up,” screams Kwan at the end of his welcoming email, following which joining his team for a salary has become a less appetizing prospect than working for your handsy uncle’s life-coaching business, run out of his basement, for three months, for free. Nevermind Kwan’s loose references to sport and school, when his aforementioned dribble has implied 1000 words dictating the opposite of ‘team’.
“Once you hit the desk, your lives will be your work for nine weeks,” Kwan informs, for those unable to read an employment contract.
But wait! Maybe he’s just a really nice guy trying to help! No, really, I heard he buys a round of Patron at the Friday Welcome Drinks, dressed like a guy from Liar’s Poker, visor and all! He really, really, really just likes to make Wall Street like the old days! A proper, Wall Street experience for the whole nine weeks!
And he really means it in his sign-off.
“Other than that,” Kwan shrugs off his power commandments like it’s no super-huge, big, bossy deal. “I hope you’re excited to join the group! We sure are looking forward to having you here!”
Great, you think, as you stuff your yoga matt, pillow, former social life and career aspirations into your cute, little corporate-branded duffle bag, I can’t wait to meet you either, Justin. At least the frat house at SAE had a bar, you think, saying goodbye to your four roommates as they nurse their hangovers after yet another fun night out you were unable to attend, cramming for Kwan’s mock modelling test.
In the same way that SAE is affectionately said to stand for “Same Assholes Everywhere”, through his eloquent prose, Kwan has managed to publically portray the seediest, douchebaggy cesspool side of Wall Street that so many other recent alarming and horrific real-life tragedies have forced banks to attempt to eradicate.
‘Work-life balance,’ Kwan thought, as he ripped up the firm’s glossy brochure featuring a smiling mother with her baby, obviously misplaced from ‘that group’ of women in Operations. ‘If I wanted that, I’d have become a lawyer.’
And just like that, he closed the door on a critically important conversation that has only just begun.
Whether Kwan’s purported shiny new gig at Caryle is still on the table remains to be seen. Enjoy your pay stub while it lasts, Justin! Suddenly, socks in the office doesn’t seem quite so offensive, does it?
